COVENTRY, UNITED KINGDOM— A recent Gallup Poll has depressing results for those looking to pursue a PhD in a subject they love: roughly 87% of seminar tutors are cripplingly lonely, largely due to lack of student participation.
CROWDED, PUBLIC PLACE— Haha yeah, definitely.
Each new year comes with a new set of goals and expectations, and this year, expect for life as we know it to end.
RAQQA, SYRIA— Like many Americans who first viewed Trump’s campaign as a practical joke, ISIS declared this morning that they are absolutely shitting themselves after the release of The Official Donald Trump Jam, performed by the so-called USA Freedom Girls.
DALLAS, TX— Holding up balloon animal donkeys and popping them with a pin, clowns across the country are worried that their right to water-squirt flowers are being threatened by the Obama administration’s new executive order.
LOS ANGELES, CA— Wiping fake tears from his eyes and holding his index finger up to his lips, 35 year old mime Jacques Benoit is concerned that there’s some seriously bad stuff going on in this country and people aren’t talking about it.
LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM— Suddenly aware of the disapproving looks on his friends’ faces, 32 year old Jazz enthusiast Michael Downing realised mid rant on the pop industry that he was completely overreacting, backtracked, and played it cool.
PALO ALTO, CA— A self-declared pluviophile, 26 year old Susie Thompson says she enjoys nothing more than the tranquil serenity of a rainy day from the comfort of her dry, heated car in a climate where it very rarely rains.
NEW YORK, NY— Waking up each morning covered in his own filth, 20 year-old Jonah Winger’s new year’s resolution is to live everyday as if it is his first.
Everyone has a friend who seems to do shockingly well in school, I mean, considering the amount of effort they put in.